Letters I'll Never Send
by Dangereuse-Penguin
Summary: I don’t want to take any chances that by some miracle you get this and think I actually meant for you to read it. This is just for my psychological health. I need some closure.
1. Katara

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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_Zuko-_

_On the off chance you ever happen to get this letter, just know that you aren't supposed to read this. Ever. In fact, you probably never will, but I don't want to take any chances that by some miracle you get this and think I actually meant for you to read it. This is just for my psychological health. I need some closure. _

_I need to write this down on paper, and, I don't know…burn it, or toss it into the sea. I need to vent, and La damn it all, I'm going to. _

_I'm not mad. I'm really not. I mean, not really. Not much. I'm just…disappointed. Really, really, really disappointed. I don't even understand why. I just know that…_

_That by the time I realized I had expectations- that I had hopes for you; you'd already let me down. _

_And that hurts. It hurts a lot. Of all the ways for me to figure it out, it had to be because you built me up and then shattered me into a billion pieces. _

_Okay, now I think I'm just being ridiculous. I should _not_ feel that way about you. I shouldn't. It's wrong, it's sick and it's demented in the worst of ways. And now I sound like Sokka. _

_La help me, I'm losing my mind. _

_Alright. Enough is enough. Let's get a few things straight. _

_I hate you for the pain you've caused me. I hate that you made me think you were a changed person, a good person, and then you turned around and betrayed me. Us. I meant us. I hate that I thought for a few moments that maybe we could be... I mean, that you would help us. But at the same time, I don't hate you. I understand that you're probably very confused. I understand that people make mistakes. And if you ever ask, I'll forgive you. But you have to earn it first. _

_That's all. _

_-Katara_


	2. Zuko

Disclaimer: I still own nothing.

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_Whatever your name is-_

_I honestly do not think you will ever lay eyes on this piece of paper. But I'm just going to write this anyway. I don't want to take any chances that by some miracle you get this and think I actually meant for you to read it. This is just for my psychological health. I need some closure. _

_What bothers me the most is that I can't remember for the life of me what your name is. Agni knows why. It just irks me to no end that I have no idea. I've gone through every name I know in my head, but none of them are yours. Probably because the majority of them are Fire Nation names._

_It feels wrong to me that you offered to help me, knowing the terrible things I'd put you through, and I can't even remember your bloody name. _

_This is ridiculous. I shouldn't be sorry. I shouldn't be feeling all these stupid, pointless emotions, and certainly not towards some random Water peasant. Azula is never sorry. If I am to be stronger than Azula, I must never be sorry. If I am not stronger…_

_Well, she'll kill me. She says she won't, but I'm not stupid. _

_Azula always lies. _

_But Azula has nothing to do with you. You're just a water girl whose name I can't remember whom I'm writing this very random letter to so that I can simply get my emotions out and move on with my life. _

_I've betrayed so many people in my life. Song, you, Uncle, and now? Now I have this aching feeling that this time, I'm betraying myself. _

_This letter has gotten so off course. It's a good thing you'll never read this, water witch, because if you ever did, you'd have no idea what I was rambling about. And you'd be angry with me for calling you a water witch just then. Not that you aren't probably angry with me already. And you should be. Just know that one day, when I'm Fire Lord, I will end this war. And if you survive the fighting, we will talk. Because I _will_ find out your name, if it's the last thing I do. _

_-Zuko_

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A/N: I realize that both of these letters are kind of all over the place and awkward. That's on purpose. It's supposed to show that Zuko and Katara's thoughts and emotions are all over the place and awkward. Mmkay? Thanks. Review. 


	3. A Giant Ball of Frustration

Hey, I just wanted to let you know, this is set after Crossroads of Destiny. Hence the whole Zuko betraying Katara thing. Hope that clears a few things up for you!

Disclaimer: I do in fact own a lovely pair of gym shorts…but not Avatar.

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The whole situation, Katara decided, was just one giant ball of frustration. 

He was there. With them. And his uncle. And she had that damned note still tucked away in the folds of her shirt, where it had been since the moment she wrote it. She couldn't bring herself to throw it away.

So now, it burned where it touched the skin of her chest, a dirty little secret. Every night before she slept she checked to be sure it was there, and every morning when she woke she checked again, as if the letter-stealing fairies of the night would have come and taken it.

He said he felt guilty for siding with Azula. He felt guilty for betraying them. That was why he broke his uncle free and came to join them.

But he never said he was sorry.

That was the one thing. He never said he was sorry. And Katara, despite her raging hormones, her adolescence, his good looks, his dangerous mystique, would not forgive him unless he apologized first. Not until he apologized for all the pain, the heartbreak that he had caused her.

And that was why the whole situation was just one giant ball of frustration.

Everybody else had forgiven him. And she wanted too, she really did. But she couldn't. It was a matter of principle. That and the fact that the thought of his betrayal still made her feel like crying, and throwing up at the same time.

Although it did seem a little ridiculous that even Sokka had managed to find it in his heart to forgive Zuko before Katara had. He also had no reservations about telling her as much. Her reply had been curt.

"Look, Sokka, just shut up and find something to do other than pester me, okay?" she had said acidly, completely avoiding the subject at hand.

"Katara, don't get all mad, I'm just saying that maybe you could cut the guy a break," Sokka had replied, hands raised in a gesture of surrender.

"Did he ever cut us a break when he was chasing us? Or what about the time he betrayed us?" Katara shot back. "I'm not ready to let go yet. Just leave me alone about it."

So he did. In fact, he pretty much left her alone all together. Everybody did. She became an outcast in her own group…her own family. They stayed away from her, sensing the tension between her and Zuko and choosing to avoid it. But instead of avoiding it with _her,_ they chose to try and make _him_ feel welcome in their mismatched little band. It hurt her to see them joking and laughing about something as she made dinner for them all. It hurt when they flew on Appa and asked her to steer, knowing that then they could all have easy conversation without her.

But she wouldn't cave. She was civil to him, but not nice. She was polite, but only when she needed to be. She spoke to him in as few words as possible, and only when it was absolutely necessary. When he tried to approach the subject of her coldness, she brushed him off.

One night, they happened to be the last two sitting around the campfire.

"It is late. You should sleep," he informed her gently. She hated that the most. That he was so _nice_ to her, trying to appease her, when she had the sinking feeling that she was in the wrong.

"I'm not tired," she replied simply. "You sleep. I'll take first watch." He had set up a watch schedule for them as well. Two watches a night, every night.

"We don't want to take any chances," he had said cryptically. Katara personally agreed, but at the time had not said anything.

Now, he looked at her strangely.

"You can go ahead and stay up if you wish, but I'll keep my watch. It will throw off my sleeping patterns if I don't," he stated. Katara shrugged.

"Whatever," she muttered, and pulled her letter from her shirt and digging through her bag for a pen and ink. He caught sight of the paper from across the fire.

"What is that?" he asked curiously, thinking of the letter tucked into the waistband of his pants. She looked at him sharply.

"A letter," she bit out cautiously.

"To whom?" he asked, now unconsciously touching his waist, checking for the familiar feeling of the now soft and crinkled paper.

"Is that really any business of yours?" Katara replied acerbically, and he shrugged.

"I apologize for intruding," he said, and turned away to face the dark woods around them.

Katara sighed. An apology, yes, but not the one she was waiting for. She was always so harsh with him. It felt wrong. She felt like she should apologize to him.

Katara was always the first to apologize, the first to try and resolve a conflict. She knew this, and usually it didn't bother her. But this time, she refused. He _owed_ her an apology much, much more than she owed him one.

With that thought in mind, she turned the paper over to the blank side on the back.

Zuko- 

_It feels odd, writing another letter to you when you're sitting right across the fire from me. It's weird, but somehow, instead of closure, my first letter to you only made it harder for me to face you now. _

_Not that I've been doing much facing. More avoiding, really. But you have yet to ask for my forgiveness, and this time I'm not giving it until you ask. I am through with handing out my trust like candies. That only ever results in heartache. _

_Example-_

_Jet. Don't even get me started on that scum. That _terrorist._ The only reason I'm not using stronger language is respect for the quite possibly dead. _

_And now I can have a list of examples. Jet, and you. _

_I trusted you, for about two minutes of my life. Only to have it thrown back in my face. And now you want my trust again?_

_Do I look stupid?_

_And now you've stolen my friends away from me. They want to make you like them, to make you like all of us. They want you to want to stay. _

_They know that I have nowhere else to go. They know there's no need to give me motivation to stay. For where would I leave to? Back to the Water Tribe? To be lauded as the great coward who couldn't hack it with the Avatar? To be married off to some old man or a boy barely out of puberty, to have babies and die young? No. Never. _

_I'm too hard on them. I don't think they really realize what they are doing. I think they just want you to be happy with them, so you won't leave. Because we need you, we need you and your uncle. We need him to teach Aang, and we need you because we can never have too many able-bodied fighters, especially since that last close call in Ba Sing Se. _

_Yes, I'll acknowledge that we need you. It's just a fact. But that does not mean that I want you. Oh, La, that didn't come out right…I meant to say that it does not mean that I want you here, with us._

_But it also does not mean that I don't._

_Now I'm just confusing myself. I lied to you before; I am tired. So very, very tired. I'm going to go to sleep now. _

_That's all,_

_-Katara.

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Hey, hope that was good. Zuko's POV up next... Review! 


	4. Too Many Demons

Hey guys, thanks for all the support! I really appreciate it.

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Katara-

_I guess if one good thing has come out of this mess, it's that I can say with a good amount of certainty that finding out your name _won't_ be the last thing I do. _

_Besides that? There aren't many other good things left to say. I suppose I should mention that Uncle has never been happier, fighting for a good cause he believes in, and teaching the avatar himself to firebend. Not to mention, the avatar plays Pai Sho. _

_I was right all along it seems. That game really _is_ older than dirt. No wonder Uncle was never offended when I said as much._

_My uncle's happiness really should be my own. Everybody in this group is good to my uncle and I. We are truly lucky. But…I don't feel lucky. _

_Why do you hate me so much, Katara?_

_You have such an unusual name. I could say it a thousand times and it would still feel exotic and new on my tongue. Unfortunately, I have yet to say it once, because you hardly ever speak to me._

_It is baffling, really. I expected that, upon coming to the four of you with nothing, your brother, the avatar, and the blind girl would turn me away, mock me, and hate me. _

_But they are most welcoming. _

_It's you that's confusing me so much, Katara, because, you see, I had expected that of all of your companions, you would be the kindest to me. I had expected that you would be the one to convince them to take me in; you would be the one to try and get them to accept me. _

_Funny, that I actually thought that would happen. Life has this annoying habit of never turning out the way I think it will. I should have realized this by now. _

_It's weird, but somehow, instead of closure, my first letter to you only made it harder for me to deal with your rejection now…if you could call it rejection. My last letter was so fatalistic. Now that I'm here, with you, with all of you, life seems so much more…_

_I don't know. Possible. I've lost that sick feeling that once this is all over, there will be nothing left. I've lost that feeling like everything around me just made me want to throw up._

_I need to stop writing now, Katara, because it sounds like you're having a nightmare, and I'm going to go and get Sokka for you. _

_-Zuko_

He hurriedly folded the letter and placed it in his waistband with its partner as he strode purposefully across camp towards Katara and Sokka.

Sokka slept like a log. A log that snored.

It took a great deal of willpower for Zuko not to look upon this with disdain. He was sure that some people just slept heavier than others; it really wasn't a reflection on their prowess as a warrior.

Of course, if Sokka were ever to become a truly_ great_ warrior, he would have to train himself to sleep with one eye open.

Zuko mentally slapped himself as he knelt at Katara's side. This was no time to critique Sokka's habits. He wondered momentarily if he shouldn't wake her. Then she rolled to face him, and he saw her face, its simple beauty marred by a scrunched-up look of terror. She was sweating, he noted, quickly taking inventory of her well-being, and making small, frightened noises in her sleep.

He reached out and lightly shook her shoulder, bringing her to awareness with a jolt. A small surge of pride went through him that he didn't completely understand. Yes, it was good that she was a lighter sleeper than Sokka, but why would that make _him_ proud? He muttered to her softly and quickly,

"You were having a nightmare. I'm going to get Sokka for you now." He could only hope that it was explanation enough to not provoke her wrath. Through hazy, frightened eyes, he caught a flash of recognition. She nodded firmly, and rolled away from him. Zuko sighed mentally.

_You always have to push me away._

He made his way over to Sokka's bedroll and nudged Sokka with his foot. The water tribe boy blinked and sat up.

"Whatisit?" he asked blearily.

"She's having a nightmare," Zuko said, not having to clarify just who 'she' was. Sokka immediately stood and walked quickly over to Katara. In a split second, she was in his arms, and he was whispering to her soothingly. Zuko frowned as envy gripped at his stomach.

To feel that sort of closeness with a sibling, with a girl, with _anybody…_

There were very few things Zuko would die for. He didn't like to dwell on them much. There was too much raw emotion to be sifted through, too many demons to face on that path.

And thus, he returned to his own bedroll, and sat, facing away from camp, where he would remain for another two or so hours before his uncle came to relieve him and he could sleep.

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Sorry, this one was shorter, but it just seemed appropriate to end it there… I'm on a bit of a Sokka/Katara sibling bonding moment-y kick right now…I love it! It's so cute! 

Anyway. Don't worry, it's not going to affect the Zutarian goodness of this story. Katara's up again next.


	5. The Hardest Day of the Year

I was really feeling the song _Grace_ by Kate Havnevik while writing this…those are her lyrics I scattered through this, (**_they look like this_**) and I think you should find it on Myspace or whatever and listen while you read for the full effect. Mmkay? P.S.-the lyrics are all out of order. lol

Side note: Sorry, Niki, but I liked the idea of her hating her own birthday too much. I'll fluff it up for you later. Oh oh oh! Almost forgot. Later, when I say that Katara is all Sokka has left, and vise versa, I mean with their mom dead and them being separated from everybody else in their family. I realize that Hakoda and Gran-gran are still alive.

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_**I'm on my knees, only memories are left for me to hold.**_

It was there, finally. The hardest day of the entire year. It had spent weeks creeping up on her, and now, it was there, so unbearably present, as it always was.

Except this time, the pain was _that_ much worse. Not only was Katara away from her home, from the frozen tundra she loved so dearly, but also her friends, her brother, they had all become so distant…

It was Katara's fifteenth birthday.

But more than that, it was what would have been Katara's mother's birthday as well.

The hardest day of the entire year. And she had only experienced it four times in her life.

_**Don't know how, but I'll get by, slowly pull myself together.**_

She was awake long before the sun. She was glad for this; not only could she avoid a few more hours of nightmares, she could also prepare herself for the day ahead. She looked over to where Iroh was on watch. She was certain he saw her sit up already, so she waved at him. He nodded in reply. Katara stood, futilely brushed the wrinkles out of her skirt, and headed into the surrounding woods.

_**I'll get through this.**_

The secret, she decided, was to let herself drift away, to another place. Somewhere far away…somewhere happy. She would let herself drift the whole day, and remain composed.

Composure was key. If she lost it, she'd never get it back. Sanity was the thread to cling to today, and Katara would spend the morning perfecting her grip so she could be strong the rest of the day.

It was fortunate that nobody except Sokka knew when her birthday was. And chances were, Sokka didn't even know the date, so it was safe to assume that Katara would be safe from her friends and their inquiries.

Though, a part of her did wish that Sokka _would_ remember, and he would realize how much she needed him to be there for her today. She needed him to be her big brother, her protector, her bulwark. Just for today. It didn't matter if he went back to being distant tomorrow.

She just needed…she needed Sokka to _understand_ what she was going through. She needed him, because he _knew_ her, he knew her pain, he knew every nuance of her personality so intimately, and he loved every part of her for exactly who she was.

_**I just want to feel your embrace.**_

Because he was her big brother, and she his little sister, and it was them against the world. As it had always been. Right?

Of course. Sokka would never abandon her, not really. It would seem like it, and it would hurt, but there was always a point where the part of them that needed each other would reach out, and there they were-right where they started.

Katara and Sokka: best friends forever. Them against the world.

He would never abandon her when it was them against the world. He knew too well that he was all she had left.

She didn't like to sound too arrogant, but she was all he had left, too.

_**I love you. I love you, I love you.**_

Zuko- 

_Today is my birthday. Not that you'll ever know. It should be my mother's birthday also, but she's dead. _

_I guess I thought that maybe this year would be easier, the same way that I thought last year would be easier, and the year before would be easier._

_I hate being wrong. But it seems to happen a lot lately. The only thing that's getting easier is saying it. _

_Today is my birthday. My mother is dead. _

_I could make a lovely little song out of it._

_La de da, it's my birthday_

_La de da, my mother is dead. _

_Hmm. Nice. I'm sure it would catch on. _

_I really hope Sokka forgets today is my birthday. La, that sounds funny. Hmm…and I hope nobody gets me anything, and I hope they don't remember later and say something either. _

_Because today is a horrible, nasty day. And I wish that the spirits would just obliterate it from the calendar. _

_Oh, wow. It's just occurred to me that nothing I've said in this letter has anything to do with you at all. That's interesting. I guess it's a good thing I'm not going to give this to you, because honestly, it's really just a great big dose of too much information. _

_I'm getting giddy. I can tell…I just went back and reread everything I've said so far…_

_I'm losing it. Ha! Losing…losing…lost. It's lost. _

_It's finally happening-I'm going crazy._

_I need to get it together._

_**Nothing come easily, fill this empty space.**_

_One of the things I always loved about my mom was that she was so…ethereal. She worked hard, she loved us, and she was still funny at times, but she was always ethereal. Today…I need to be ethereal. Like Mom used to be. Until the very end._

_Ethereal. Above everything._

_**Nothing is like it was. Turn my grief…to grace. **_

_I think I hear you waking up now. I need to go start breakfast._

_That's all. _

_-Katara

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_

Oh wow. That was an awful lot of sibling-y goodness there, wasn't it? Tee hee. I like it. Yay! And Katara went a little bit crazy... I like that too. The hysteria shows that even though she looks so strong, she's kind of fragile emotionally. Right? That's how I wanted it to be...

Whatever. Review!

D-P


	6. A Lot of Time to Think

Thanks for all the reviews, you guys! I'll fluff it up for you soon, I promise! I just don't want things to go lightning fast…I'd like it if their relationship progressed at a realistic pace. Here, how about this…I'll give you some Zuko being stalkerish.

And might I add…HOLY SHIT ON A STICK, OVER 1000 HITS! I am very much tickled by this.

Wow, it's a good thing this story is rated T, or I'd _totally_ get busted for just saying shit in an A/N. lol

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Zuko looked up at her as she walked into camp. Katara glanced at him and muttered something that sounded vaguely like "good morning."

He stared at her. Could this meant that maybe she didn't loathe him? Could it be that maybe things were changing?

But one look at her face told him otherwise. She looked so…cold, and detached. It was beautiful, he decided as he looked at her some more, but it was also frightening. Even when she was angry with him, it did not take a genius to see that she was so full of life and happiness. Now? She looked like a shell. A beautiful shell, but a shell nonetheless.

Katara went to the food bag and pulled out what she needed for breakfast. Zuko sighed, and began to roll up his bedroll.

It was stressful; having to pack up camp every few days and move on, each time a little closer to the Fire Nation. He could hardly imagine having to do that every day.

Sokka began to stir, and Zuko, Iroh, and Katara all looked over, shocked.

"G'mrnin'," Sokka grumbled incoherently.

"Sokka, are you feeling alright?" Iroh asked concernedly. "It is rather early for you, is it not?"

"Special circumstances," Sokka muttered, rising. He mumbled something under his breath. Katara looked at him sharply.

Zuko wondered if he had heard correctly. What Sokka had grumbled sounded suspiciously like,

"Tara's birthday."

He had only been with Katara for a few weeks now, and she did act like she hated him, but he thought that in spite of all that, he knew her fairly well.

The Katara he knew would be excited about her birthday. In fact, she would be ecstatic. She would have talked about it weeks in advance; made sure everybody knew about it. Then, her friends would have woken up extra early to wish her a happy day.

So, there could only be two things going on. Either it wasn't Katara's birthday, and Sokka was losing it (likely), or something had happened to make Katara _not _want to celebrate her birthday.

At first, Sokka losing it _did_ seem like the best assumption. But Zuko watched Katara…a lot. And he had seen her withdraw over the past few days. At the time, he hadn't really thought anything of it. Now, it seemed to make sense. Maybe she wasn't so much withdrawing as…steeling herself for today.

But what could be so horrible that it made Katara hate, or at least want to avoid, her birthday?

Well, he had no idea. And she certainly wasn't going to tell him. So, Zuko decided that it was just best he left the subject alone.

He watched silently as Sokka ambled over to Katara and asked,

"Do you need anything?" she looked up at her brother and shook her head, a faint, weary smile on her face.

"No, but you could always start packing up and strapping out things down on Appa. We're moving on today," she said softly. Sokka ran a hand over his hair and nodded, turning to do what Katara suggested.

After a few moments of silence, Sokka said loudly, waking up their other two companions,

"Can we stop near a town tonight? I need to buy something."

Aang groaned and sat up. Toph's earth tent vanished into the ground and she emerged, looking as she always did.

"I don't see why not," she stated regally, sitting next to Katara. "Are you alright, Sugar Queen?" Katara shrugged.

"I guess," she murmured as an answer to both remarks, and continued to prepare breakfast. It looked like porridge and tea.

But then again, what else would it look like? Breakfast was _always_ porridge and tea, as Sokka loved to point out. Often, it earned him an irate water-whip to the face.

Something told Zuko that today Sokka would just keep his mouth shut.

_Hours later._

Zuko decided sleepily that flying on Appa afforded a person a lot of time to think.

Too much time, in his opinion.

As if Katara didn't plague his thoughts _enough_, now he couldn't help but wonder about the entire situation with her birthday.

It seemed that nobody else knew except for her, Sokka, and now Zuko as well. He briefly pondered if his uncle was aware also.

Maybe, maybe not, was the answer Zuko came up with. His uncle worked in mysterious ways. If he knew, he wasn't saying anything. Maybe he never would. Or maybe he would later.

The point was, if Uncle Iroh knew, only Uncle Iroh knew that Uncle Iroh knew, and only Uncle Iroh knew if Uncle Iroh would say anything about it.

It was times like these that Zuko cursed his uncle's infernal mysteriousness.

He glanced at her, the object of his musings, where she sat next to her brother. Neither of them was saying anything, but Katara was leaned up against Sokka, and she idly played with a stray thread from Sokka's shirt.

Again, feelings of jealousy washed over Zuko, but he pushed them back.

Katara- 

_There is absolutely nothing to do on this bison. How can you stand it? How can you just sit there, fiddling with Sokka's shirt, and not be bored to the brink of insanity?_

_Or are you thinking about why you don't want anybody to know about your birthday?_

_It's going to drive me crazy, Katara, I promise you it will. I will not rest until I know. It'll be at the back of my mind, bothering me to no end. And I don't even understand why. _

_Why, for Agni's sake, do I care so much?_

_Why am I asking you? _

_You'll never get this letter anyway. And if you did, you'd probably be too angry, or offended, or confused to even think to answer all of my stupid questions. I'm getting so paranoid. So many letters now…this is the third, I think. I'll have to find a new hiding place, or people will notice where I'm keeping them. Maybe you'll notice. And then maybe you'll look. And then what?_

_I don't really know. I can honestly say that no matter how much I watch you, no matter how much I think I know, I'll never know for certain what you'd say if you ever found these. _

_On an entirely unrelated note, I think I will get you a birthday gift. _

_Agni knows you deserve one. All the things that you do…all that you've been through this past year. Even if you hate your birthday, I'll risk your wrath this once, I think. _

_That is, if Sokka will let me go shopping with him. That is one thing I am _not_ looking forward to. Shopping…with Sokka. Shopping for _you_ with Sokka. Oh, Agni, I can see it now…_

"_Why do you want to get something for my sister? What do you care? How do you even know?" on, and on, and on._

_As if I have an ulterior motive of that nature. Please. A Fire Nation prince with a Water Tribe peasant? _

…_I've reread what I just wrote. It seems that despite all that has happened to _me_ these past three years, I can still find it in me to be a haughty, stuck-up prick. _

_If you ever read this Katara, I didn't mean what I wrote in the paragraph before last. I'm simply leaving it there as a reminder to myself to stay humble. _

_I wonder what you'd like for your birthday. A book, perhaps? You probably didn't have many of those in the Southern Water Tribe. _

_Can you even read?_

_That seems like a ridiculous question, but I honestly don't know. Do they have the means to teach you back where you came from? Did they teach females?_

_It amazes me how little I know of your people. I suppose I'll have to learn, eventually, if I am ever to reclaim my throne. _

_Or if I'm ever to really understand you. _

_You really need to stop looking over at me all suspiciously like that. It's made me lose my train of thought entirely. On that note, Uncle needs to stop looking at me too. I don't say a word, and still, the old coot knows too much. I think we're landing soon…it's getting dark. _

_-Zuko

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_

Review, please.

Love,

D-P


	7. Sokka?

I think the title pretty much says it all. That's right…SOKKA'S POV!!! Muahahaha! This is probably a one-time dealio, though. So don't get too attached. And Niki-look out for two of my many catchphrases hidden in this chapter.

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I'm not going to lie.

I don't like the way that jerk keeps looking at my sister.

That's right, I said it. I called Zuko a jerk.

You know, I thought that maybe the guy wasn't so bad, for a while there. Until he started giving Katara the Eye.

Nobody give _my baby sister_ the Eye.

And it's not like he's being discreet about it either. He's not even _good_ at giving girls the Eye. He's so completely obvious, it would take a moron not to notice. He's just sitting there, scribbling away at his little paper, and then every TWO SECONDS looking up at Katara.

It's almost an insult to my intelligence, really. He thinks that I'm that moron who won't notice.

Ha. Who's stupid now?

You know, I might sound like I'm just messing around now, but I swear to Tui and all things holy that if he tries anything…

His Fire Nation _ass_ is grass

Look at him, sitting there…probably writing some dippy little love poem about my sister.

Well, I guess she is being poetic for him today. All melancholy and spirit-like. A little bit like Mom.

Well, it makes sense to me. Mom was…so different from everybody else in the Water Tribe. They were brash, and abrasive, and mom was always so soft. Water to their ice. Everybody loved her, but Katara…

Katara almost worshipped her.

Not that it's a bad thing, or anything, because I don't blame her. Mom was everything. She was fun, she was pretty, she was smart, and she was our world, Katara's and mine.

But then she died. No. She was killed, before our eyes. And I cried with Dad, and I try to make Mom proud to this day.

Katara bottles it up. I guess she feels like…

Like she needs to be strong. For Mom, for me, for Dad, for Aang, for Toph, for everybody. She puts up this front like she's only got two emotions:

Happy and mad as all hell.

But she knows and I know that there are so many things in between those two emotions, especially for her. And I just wish she'd let them out, just once, instead of letting them build and build and build and build, because one day

One day she's just going to burst, and I don't think I'll be able to take it.

She's all I have left.

Me and Tara…

Us against the world, right?

I think she's falling asleep on my shoulder now…good. She needs it. She probably hasn't been sleeping well, if she's been sleeping at all.

Plus, this gives me the perfect opportunity to go shopping for her without her flipping out.

I don't care what she says. Fifteen makes you a woman in the Southern Water Tribe, and I'll face a saber-toothed moose lion before I let this day go by for her.

"When you go into town, may I go with you? I think we have similar purposes in mind."

Oh, Tui help me. We'd _better_ not have 'similar purposes in mind.' Katara will kill me.

Then again, how many times a day do I think that? Only about a million.

Besides, my little sister deserves the best on her birthday. And if the best is two presents, one from me and one from the jerk, then so be it. She deserves any bit of happiness, any bit of kindness she can get.

So I guess he can come with me, but I won't be held liable for my actions.

* * *

Hey. This one's pretty amazingly short…I just wanted to post something for you guys…

I don't know if I'll be able to get anything else up this weekend…I've got the Winter Formal dance on Saturday, so I'll probably be sleeping for most of Sunday. But I'll see if I can't get you guys a little somethin' somethin' by tomorrow.


	8. You Always Throw Me for a Loop

Wow you guys. I'm sorry, I had no idea you'd be so averse to one chapter of Sokka.

I thought it was a nice change of pace. But whatever. I liked that chapter…so I'm not taking it down or anything. This should make you all pretty happy.

* * *

Katara sat at camp, stirring dinner and wearily pondering the strange events that had recently taken place.

Sokka went into town, presumably for a birthday present that Katara didn't want. She dreaded his return.

But he took _Zuko_ with him. Why? Who knew? Katara certainly didn't. And nobody was telling her, which she found very unfair, because it obviously concerned her. Was it her fault she had fallen asleep on Appa and didn't hear just _how_ Zuko and Sokka ended up going into town _together_? She was tired. She hadn't been sleeping, and Sokka's shirt was so soft…

…soft, kind of like her bedroll was. She glanced over at it longingly, willing the stew she was making to cook faster so that she could go to sleep.

Iroh, perceptive as he often was, noticed.

"Miss Katara, why don't you go to sleep? You seem rather tired," he said kindly. "I will finish dinner. Don't worry." Katara nodded her thanks sleepily, and slid into her bedroll and with that, into oblivion.

Later 

Katara woke sometime in the middle of the night to the feeling of somebody's hand on hers.

_Sokka_? Was her first thought. She blearily opened her eyes to see the figure retreating.

It was Zuko.

Zuko had touched her hand? But why?

The answer to that question became apparent when she looked down at said appendage and noticed that it was resting on a medium sized book. Katara blinked. The cover was made from smooth leather, she noted, running her hand over it softly. She looked back towards Zuko. He was watching her. For a moment, their eyes connected.

Was this a dream? Katara wondered. She searched his eyes with her own. She saw hope, and fear, and anticipation.

She saw these things more clearly than she had ever seen emotions reflected in anybody else's eyes before.

In all honesty, it scared Katara in ways she barely understood. She looked down at the book, feeling her cheeks burning, feeling his gaze burning into her. She opened the cover gingerly.

On the title page, it read in simple, neat writing,

_Happy Birthday._

_-Z_

She tore her gaze from the words and met his eyes, shock written across her face.

"I thought you'd like it," he murmured simply, not breaking eye contact. But she saw, with the same new clarity that had frightened her before, that his apprehension was growing. She returned her eyes to the book, reading the title.

_The Tragedy of Oma and Shu._

"I know this story," she whispered with wonder, mostly to herself, but partially to him also. He let out a soft sigh.

"I'm sorry," he began to say, but she cut him off hurriedly.

"No, I mean, I know it, but I've never read it. I…I love it," she offered haltingly. She looked down in embarrassment.

"I'm glad," he replied, barely audible. Katara drew breath to say something else, but she was stopped by a particularly loud snore from an open-mouthed Aang. Katara spared Zuko one last glance, shaken, and said,

"Thank you."

_Early morning, the next day._

Zuko- You always have to throw me for a loop, don't you? Just when I get comfortable with how I feel about you. 

_First, I hated you. Then I saw how vulnerable you were when your uncle was hurt, and I wanted to help you so much. Then, in the crystal caves when we were trapped together, I wanted to help you again, because I don't know exactly what you've been through, but I know you've been through so much…you deserve every kindness I can give you. _

_But then you turned around and stabbed me in the back. Aang almost died. And I swore to myself never to trust you again._

_But now, I want to trust you again, because, as always, you've thrown me for a loop. You can never just be who I expect you to be. A monster. Son of the Fire Nation. Somebody to despise. You can never just be that person, and make my life simple, can you? You always have to be something else, noble, human, a man, and I just don't know what to do or what to think. _

_You need to stop doing this to me. It isn't fair. It's not fair that in spite of everything that you've done to me, in spite of everything we've done to each other, you're still kind to me, and I still feel…_

_Well, in all honesty, I don't know how I feel. I need to figure that out. _

_But first things first…I need to read that book. I'm going to go do that now, before I have to start my day…and before Aang can see the book and ask questions. _

_Not that I care if he knows you gave me a present, because I really don't. Well, maybe I do. But…I just don't want him to know my birthday was yesterday. _

_I've been thinking a lot in the past few hours why I keep my birthday such a secret, and I think I've figured it out. _

_I feel guilty that I'm alive to celebrate the day while my mother is dead. I almost with that our places had been reversed sometimes. It feels like my mother was a true lady, a woman of grace and poise and elegance, and I'm just a clumsy little girl. Why did I live while she died?_

_But then I look at Aang, and I look at Sokka, and Toph and you and Iroh, and I know that the five of you need me, if only just a little. _

_If not for me, Aang would not have been found. Well, maybe he would have, but how much longer? I don't think he would have been found in time. If not for me, Aang would not have learned waterbending when he did. If not for me, you would all have to eat Sokka's cooking. If not for me, Sokka would constantly be covered in cuts and bruises from his own clumsiness. Toph would not have another girl to talk to._

_So I guess maybe next year, if there is a next year for me, my birthday doesn't need to be such a big secret. _

_Besides, me not getting cake and presents was never going to bring my mother back anyway. _

_Wow. I totally let my thoughts run wild there…I don't think I'll be able to read now. In fact, I know I won't, because Aang just woke up and I need to start his breakfast. _

_And maybe I'll read that book later, regardless of who's watching me. _

_That's all._

_-Katara.

* * *

_

Hahaha! Zutara! Finally. Yay. That felt good. Anyways, review. Don't be mad at me anymore.

D-P


	9. A Moment of Triumph

Sorry it's been so long. The softball season started, and it is taking up my free time pretty much every day.

Anyways. Zuko jokes about his scar a little bit… I tried not to overdo it, but maybe it is the teensiest bit OOC. Meh. Whatever. It's not a very funny joke anyway.

* * *

Katara- 

_Yesterday I came to a realization when I put that book under your hand. Frankly, it scared me. It was one of those things that you never see coming until…_

_Well, until it turns around and firebends you in the face. _

_If you ever read this, which I can only pray to Agni you don't, that was a joke. You can laugh at it. Too many people think that I could never joke about…my father, and my scar, but I can. It's just when other people do it that makes me want to hit something. Or somebody. But now I've gotten off topic._

_What I realized is that I like you. A lot. Too much. More than I should. I almost want to use the word love…_

_But I don't know what that feels like. At least, I think I don't. If it feels like a giant mass of confusion at the pit of your stomach paired with what feels like cardiac arrest, then somebody had better call a doctor before I die of love. _

_I'm making it sound like a disease, like something fatal. But at this point, who knows? I saw what my mother's love for my father, and for me, did to her. I've seen what my uncle's love for me has put him through. What my father's and sister's love for power has turned them into. _

_I should never have given you that book. My life would have been so much easier right now. No realizations, no deep thoughts about love, in fact, no thoughts about love at all, or what it may or may not be or whether or not I feel it for you. _

_But you should have seen your face when you saw it, Katara…_

_You looked so confused. _

_Then, once you realized…_

_You looked happy. And that's enough for my confusion to be worth it now, I think. I just don't know if I'll be able to look you in the face for a while without doing something stupid like blush or stutter. Future Fire Lords really shouldn't blush or stutter. It isn't becoming of their station._

_Oh, gods. You're coming back from your walk. I don't know what I'm going to say or do, but I think it's safe to assume it _will_ be something stupid. _

_There's only one way to find out. _

_I just hope you don't laugh at me._

_-Zuko._

Katara re-entered the camp, folding a piece of paper.

Zuko stared for a moment, before mimicking her action and placing his new letter in his waistband with the others.

She tucked her paper into her shirt.

The small action was somehow made sensual simply because it was Katara doing it. Zuko tried to control the blush he felt coming on. He turned away from her to hide it, missing her turning towards him with a small smile on her face. By the time he turned back, she had already looked away in slight disappointment and started breakfast.

The Avatar-_Aang,_ he corrected himself mentally. _His name is Aang._

_Aang_ jumped up from his bedroll with a goofy grin on his face, as usual. The child had absolutely no right to be so cheerful that early in the morning, in Zuko's opinion, but what could he do about it except be secretly annoyed? His uncle soon followed, immediately going to make some tea. Zuko rolled his eyes. As he watched his companions going about their usual morning routines, Zuko smiled a little.

His entire life had always been filled with unhappiness broken by moments of triumph. Much as he cherished those moments, they had never been enough for him.

This, he knew, was not a moment of triumph. He had not done anything spectacular but give a girl a birthday gift and wake up this morning. But somehow, he still felt a warm, persistent happiness.

It was not triumph. It was simply contentment. And Zuko thought that maybe he could get used to it.

Across the camp, Katara pulled her new book from her pack and opened it to read during breakfast. At the same moment, Toph disassembled her earth tent and asked curiously,

"Whatcha reading, Sugar Queen?" Katara looked up and said blandly,

"A book, Toph." The small earthbender rolled her eyes.

"I hadn't noticed. Where'd you get it?" Katara shrugged nonchalantly.

"Zuko gave it to me."

He looked at her sharply, a question on his face. She looked back at him and smiled. Aang stared. Toph shrugged and walked away. Iroh chuckled merrily to himself. Sokka snored.

On second thought, Zuko thought, maybe it _was _a moment of triumph.

* * *

Sorry it's kind of short…ummm…Review!!!!! 

Love, D-P


	10. It's a LoveHate Kind of Thing

Sorry it's been forever you guys… but it's flippin' fantastic to be writing this story again! Thank you soooooo much to all the reviewers who have been putting up with me and my slowness… I looooooooooooooove you guys!

So here it goes…

* * *

Katara hated the look Toph was giving her.

She hated Iroh's stupid knowing smiles.

She hated Sokka's bipolarity. One moment he was as smug as anything, as if it were his idea for Zuko to get Katara the book, the next, he was about to kill the Fire Nation prince for even looking at his little sister.

Most of all, Katara hated how Aang kept looking at her as if she'd betrayed him.

But, then again, she loved catching Zuko staring at her as they flew on Appa, every moment a little closer to his home.

And she loved him catching her staring back.

And she loved the feelings of nervous anticipation she had, like at any moment something huge could happen.

And she loved the feeling of being on the brink of something special, something good and pure and beautiful.

Something like love.

But then again, she hated acting like some sort of lovesick puppy. She was a master waterbender, not some simpering, eye batting trollop.

And she hated the feeling that maybe…maybe she was reading everything wrong, and Zuko really just wanted to give her a book.

And she hated wondering if maybe she _had_ betrayed Aang. Had she led him on? She hadn't even realized that he felt that way about her.

Katara's thoughts as she lay in her bedroll were interrupted by Toph muttering from somewhere to her left:

"Sugar Queen? You wanna do me a favor?" Katara immediately replied,

"Of course Toph, what do you need?"

"I need you to stop waffling about your feelings and admit to yourself that you like him, so that you can stop fidgeting and I can get some rest!" The blind girl hissed so nobody else would hear. Katara blushed.

"I'm sorry, Toph," she murmured and rolled over, trying desperately to keep still.

_Zuko- _

_Just when I'd thought I'd figured out my feelings, I realize…_

_I absolutely have not figured out my feelings. _

_Or yours, for that matter. I have absolutely no idea what is going through your head, and to be perfectly honest, it's driving me crazy. _

_But there is absolutely no way I'm going to ask you. _

_Besides…even if you do feel they way I do… (or at any rate, the way I think I feel) I'm beginning to think that maybe they would be best left not acted upon. _

_I mean, let's not kid ourselves. It's not as if we have loads of free time to commit to a relationship, never mind that we're together all day, every day. There's still the fact that there's a world that needs saving. There's still the fact that we're from two different worlds. I'm a Water Tribe peasant, you're a Fire Nation prince. _

_And not even in my stupid little fantasies where we fall in love and get married and have our two children, a boy named for Aang and a girl named after your mother, not even when I'm thinking these utterly ridiculous thoughts do I pretend that your people would accept me as Fire Lady. _

_Because let's be frank, Zuko, or at least let me be frank since you'll never see this._

_I may be flighty right now, an simpering an silly and acting like the most ridiculous little girl, but I know I'm not stupid._

_No, it would never wo_

"Katara." Her head shot up. What could he possibly want? Why had he followed her out of camp? She had obviously wanted privacy. Was it so much to ask? Just a little privacy while she spilled her innermost thoughts to him in a letter?

"Can I help you?" she asked, immediately wanting to hit herself. _Can I help you? Can I sound any stupider if I tried?_

"I wanted to talk to you," Zuko muttered quietly.

"What about?" Katara asked, although she was certain she already knew, gently tucking her letter into her shirt and standing up to look him (almost) in the eye. He swallowed hard.

"Um," he said. "Um." The sarcastic part of Katara vaguely wondered if he were always this articulate, even though she knew that he was a very good conversationalist when he wanted to be.

Zuko still hadn't said anything.

Then, out of nowhere, he abruptly pulled her into his arms. Too surprised to act, she merely stared at him, unsure if she liked her current position. He seemed to search for something in her eyes, and briefly she wondered if he found what he was looking for there.

Then, he kissed her.

It was fast, ad a little awkward, and over before Katara had time for it to register, let alone for her to rect. After he pulled away, he searched her eyes again. Apparently unsatisfied with what he saw, he began to let go, frowning.

Katara didn't even think. She merely threw her arms around Zuko's neck and kissed him. And as she did, she realized that she must have liked it after all.

* * *

Ta daaaaa! The first kiss! I don't know…I kind of feel like it was a little rushed, but the timing fit well with this chapter. Plus, I thought my kiss scene was pretty kick ass.

So review!

Looooooooooove

D-P


	11. Awkward, but Nobody's Fault

Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry!!!!!!!!!! I love you all to death. I don't deserve such wonderful, wonderful readers as you guys!

That said.

Chapter 11.

* * *

Katara- 

_I guess I can understand the awkwardness between us now. I mean, I get it. I'm Fire Nation, you're Water Tribe, my people killed your people for no apparent reason beside world domination. My father is the cause of all your troubles. I am, technically, the spawn of the devil himself. And then I go kissing you, without your permission?_

_Never mind that you kissed me back. That's no excuse. The only thing that shows is that you must have liked it, a little bit, subconsciously. But I know enough about people to know that there are no guarantees that you like _me.

_So, Katara, what I'm saying is, I get it if things are a little strange with you and I. _

_What I don't understand is why you won't even look at me now. _

_You kissed me back. _

_Then, you looked at me with a smile._

_But then, something in your face changed. You must have realized something. You pulled back and ran away. _

_I suppose I could have followed you, but rejection…it's enough to freeze a person's every desire to move; to breathe. Every time. Especially the unexpected kind._

_I suppose it shouldn't have been unexpected, if not to all the reasons mentioned above to explain my understanding of the awkwardness, then for the fact that, well…_

_I've never kissed a girl before. My mother aside. So I'll admit it, because I'm comfortable enough with myself as a man to say this. I'm probably a bad kisser. I can live with that. _

_What I can't live with is the fact that you will not meet my eyes. You won't even look at my face. You just stare past my shoulder. _

_If you hate me, at least do me the courtesy of looking me in the eye and telling me so, Katara. Because I can't take this. You're going to kill me, slowly and painfully, with your indifference. _

_So please. Look at me. _

_Yours, _

_Zuko._

He glanced over at the object of his musings to find her, not surprisingly, looking away from him.

It must take some effort to not look at a person for that much time. It had to.

Zuko wasn't asking for her to declare her undying love. He wasn't asking her to apologize, even, for her coldness. All he wanted was for her to tell him what in Agni's name was going on. There was no sense, no rhyme or reason to this…this madness. This coldness. This cruelty.

For cruelty it was. If she wanted him to die, she could have sent a chunk of ice into his heart and had the same effect, just faster than this slow torment. Every day, he stared at her, begging with his mind for her to just glance up, just for a moment. Just one look.

And it had only been three days. Three days! What if this went on forever? What would happen to him then? Forever…felt like it would kill him.

And it wasn't just Katara's scorn either. It was everybody's. Everybody seemed to assume that _he_ had done something horrible to upset Katara so much. Aang especially. He was downright murderous. Zuko didn't think that such a small, seemingly happy-go-lucky kid could get so livid.

Agni forbid that it could possibly be that Zuko didn't do anything, and that Katara was simply being moody, unreasonable, and completely irrational!

The others would kill him if he said that aloud. He felt guilty for even thinking it. For although it may have been partly true that Katara was being irrational, it was also true that _he_ was being irrational. For what rational man would fall in love with a girl of an enemy kingdom, then decide to act upon it with no knowledge of her feelings towards him, and then have the gall to be surprised when she rejected him?

Zuko recalled a rather awkward conversation with Sokka from two days before.

"What did you do to my sister?!" 

"_I-I…nothing. I didn't hurt her."_

"_Didn't hurt her! Then why is she walking around like somebody just killed her kitten?"_

"_The hell if I know!" he had burst out angrily. Sokka had grown deathly quiet. _

"_Don't you dare blame Katara for this," he warned. "You may not understand why she's doing what she's doing, you may not _think_ you did anything wrong, but this is not. Her. Fault."_

Zuko understood that Sokka was right. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't his fault either. Nobody was to blame. They were both just…awkward, and unsure of themselves.

He just didn't think he could keep tiptoeing around her for much longer without exploding or something.

He had agonized over how to end his letter. For a while, he thought the "yours," at the end added a choking finality to the letter, and similarly, to his fate. But the more he thought about it, the less he regretted it. Because he realized, now, that yes. It did add a certain finality. But a comforting kind.

Because he _wanted_ to be Katara's. He wanted it more than anything, except, maybe than for Katara to be _his._

"Zuko! I need to practice!" a more-than-a-little irritated Aang called from a little ways off.

_Well,_ Zuko thought. _At least his aggression is helping his firebending._ But as he stared at his singed arm hairs, he wondered if that was really a good thing.

* * *

There you have it. Relatively short…but I really really wanted Niki's afterlife, which she now owes to me. yay!!!!!!!

So review, please.


	12. Devoid of Reason and Rationale

You guys. I am seriously. Not. Worthy. I love you so much!

And may I just say: The Zutara Blog Project?!?!? ZOMG THAT'S SO COOL! I love it. I love you! I love…everything.

I bought a tea set this weekend…it's for my sister. So technically I don't own that…just like I technically don't own Avatar.

* * *

Katara hated a lot of things.

She hated papaya.

She hated Sokka. (sometimes)

She hated when her hair felt icky.

She hated when Aang would not stop pestering her.

She hated when Appa's fur made her itch.

She hated sleeping outside on hot, muggy nights.

She hated pirates.

She hated the Fire Nation. (mostly)

But most of all, of all the little, big, and in-between things that Katara hated, she hated feeling like she was acting in a manner completely devoid of any reason or rationale. It made her feel crazy.

Which was why she hated the way she was acting towards Zuko.

There was absolutely no call for her to act coldly towards him. She had kissed him back, for La's sake! Hell, she had _liked_ it! She wanted to do it again. (and again, and again, and again…but she wouldn't let her mind go there just yet.)

So why was she acting like nothing had happened? No, not like nothing had happened. Worse-like something _bad_ had happened?

As she sat during her watch, staring at the fire, it dawned upon her slowly.

She was afraid. She was absolutely, completely terrified of being hurt. She couldn't, wouldn't, _refused_ _to_ take the risk of a relationship with Zuko only to have her heart stomped on later. It would not happen. Not again. Not to her.

She would not give him her heart, herself, only to have him throw it back in her face when he defeated his father and became ruler of the Fire Nation. Katara wasn't stupid. She knew how the world worked. She couldn't be his queen, and she wouldn't be his mistress. Not if there was breath left in her body.

True love be damned, she still had her dignity!

_True love?_ She asked herself. _When did we get to that point? _

Katara concluded that this was getting ridiculous, and it was getting that way too fast for her own comfort. When did hatred become a vague inclination? When did _that_ become a crush, and _that_ a kiss and _that _true love? True love. Katara didn't even think it existed up until _ten seconds_ ago.

_So much can change in ten seconds…_ her mind whispered, sending her the memory that had haunted her for four nights now. Him. His lips on hers, his arms around her. She had felt so safe, and warm, and _loved_.

There it was. That word again. Love. How could she know if she was in love? She wasn't even sure she knew what love was. She had seen it, yes, in many different forms, but none seemed to fit now.

Yue seemed to almost have hit Sokka in the chest with a block of ice, she had taken his breath away so much. He, in turn, became her hero. That, Katara was sure, was love.

Her mother had been so wise, so perfect and ethereal, and her father so brave and loyal, that there seemed to be no other fate than for them to be together. That, Katara knew, was also love.

And she couldn't neglect the memory of Jet. She was certain she hadn't loved _him, _but rather the _idea_ of him. He had been so dashing, and independent, and at the time, it had seemed like he was invincible, able to take out the Fire Nation with nobody but himself and his faithful friends.

She had seen a lot since those days, and she had known very little then. She realized that now. Jet, she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, had not been love.

Zuko? Who knew, with him? He acted like he hated her. Insulted her…belittled her. Then, all of a sudden, he wants forgiveness. He is too proud to ask it, and she too proud to simply give it. So he gives her the most thoughtful gift on a day she'd rather didn't exist. And then, suddenly, inexplicably, they are entwined.

Zuko- 

_I don't know if any amount of apologizing will ever make up for the way I'm treating you. It's inexcusable, I know. But what's even more inexcusable is that I'm perfectly aware of it, and I'm not going to-no, I _can't_ do anything about it. _

_I wish it could be different. I wish that my feelings for you were as clear as yours for me seem to be, but I'm so confused. And you deserve more than my confusion. You deserve somebody who loves you with every fiber of her being and not a doubt in her mind. That isn't me, Zuko, you know it isn't. And I can't bear the thought of hurting you with my selfishness. _

_Because that's what it would be. Selfish. It would be completely unfair to let you think that I return all of your feelings, when in truth I'm not entirely sure. I don't deserve your attention. Not now, when I can't make up my mind. _

_And you know what, Zuko? I think you'll move on before I even make up my mind. I think you know as well as I do that there are prettier, nicer, worthier girls than I out there waiting for you. And one of them might make you much happier than I could ever hope to. Because what could I offer you? My love? And what is my love compared to yours? What is my love compared to another woman's love in conjunction with wealth, connections and political savvy? _

_I would make a terrible Fire Lady anyway. _

_Since I'm never giving this to you though, let me say this. I think that even though I'm very confused, I could love you. It's a definite possibility. The thing is, even if I _were_ absolutely certain of it, the thoughts I expressed in the last two paragraphs wouldn't change. Because even if I did love you with every fiber of my being and not a doubt in my mind, you would still deserve better than me. _

_You should have everything the world has to offer you after all you've been through, and I'm not it. I'm just a scared, confused little girl from the Southern Water Tribe. _

_That's all. _

_-Katara.

* * *

_

Okay so I'm not sure how much sense this makes…it seems kind of disjointed to me, but I think that reflects on how disjointed Katara's (and my) thought process was in this chapter.

I'm SO SORRY it took me so freaking long to get this up. Review?


	13. Maybe the Rules Have Changed

I am not worthy, you guys. And I'm sorry it's been so long. That's all I can really say. Oh, wait, no. I forgot something.

Bad grammar in the first chapter was intentional. I thought that maybe that was apparent from the contrast in grammar between the letters and the narrative? I dunno, maybe it wasn't as clear as I thought it was. Whatever.

So a lot has happened in my life since my last update, and hopefully all my newfound life experiences will make my writing better. (You be the judge!)

* * *

_Katara-_

_Enough is enough. I can't do this anymore. I deserve answers. You have to admit that you owe me at least that. I deserve to know what I did to merit this treatment from you. You have to see what you're doing to me. _

_So I know the rules have been that we don't talk; we don't make eye contact. I don't ask, and you don't answer. _

_But the rules have changed. Or at least they are now. I'm changing them. _

_Because this silence will be the death of me. _

_Yours,_

_Zuko._

He stared at it as the ink dried. He watched it seep into the paper, slowly, agonizingly. He wondered if he had the guts to do it. Walk over there, and hand her the tiny scrap of paper that somehow, bafflingly, held all of his hopes and dreams and pent-up emotions within its twelve sentences.

His heart pounded a furious beat at the mere thought of her reading his words.

_You have to see what you're doing to me._

She was tearing him apart.

Every glance she didn't return was like a small part of his heart ripping itself out of his chest and reaching out to her, only to be turned away.

Every glance she did return was almost worse. At least, it made the next one she didn't more painful.

She would bump into him accidentally (or was it?) and he wanted to die, right then and there.

She had to know. How couldn't she know? How couldn't she feel his gaze on her; sense his longing? It felt like every ounce of him was crying out to her. There was just no way she couldn't see it.

He was haunted by the kiss. The feeling of his lips on hers… Agni help him, he couldn't focus on a damned thing. He felt worse than a thirteen year old boy.

"Whatcha got, Zuko?" Aang asked curiously, attempting to read over his shoulder. _Speak of the devil,_ Zuko thought.

"Nothing. Shouldn't you be training?" Zuko asked defensively, shielding the paper from Aang's prying eyes with his body. "The eclipse is what, two weeks away?"

"Two and a half," Aang said loftily, and walked away towards Iroh, presumably to train. Zuko could only hope it was to train. In that moment, it occurred to him that the fate of the world was in the hands of this twelve year old, and he was concerned more with impressing a girl who wouldn't give him the time of day. He could be helping Aang. _Should_ be helping Aang. Couldn't afford not to be helping Aang.

Katara was torturing him, but only because he was letting her. He could be busy. She could wait. The world, and Aang, needed his help. Not his added drama. Zuko's desire for Katara to know his feelings was gone. Suddenly, it didn't feel important that she know his inner turmoil. Suddenly, he hardly felt it anymore. All he felt was stupid.

He thought briefly about crumpling the paper and throwing it into the fire. He should. It would serve her right.

Instead, he gently folded it and placed it with the other papers just like it.

* * *

Okay, so, disgustingly short, but I felt bad and I've been busy! So here you have it, just a little something.

Review? I love you!


	14. Closure and the Lack Thereof

Dig this, kiddies… we've made a bit of a quantum leap here

Dig this, kiddies… we've made a bit of a quantum leap here. Try and keep up, hmm?

Thanks for the reviews; I'm glad I haven't lost my charm.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the power of my own awesomeness.

Here you have it.

Katara wasn't used to being warm, in the same way that she wasn't used to being useless, and the same way she wasn't used to being stationary.

Katara wasn't used to being safe, in the same way she wasn't used to being comfortable.

Katara wasn't used to being lonely.

The war years were in no way pleasant. Aang hadn't been able to defeat the Fire Lord at the eclipse. It had instead taken years of bloody campaigns against Zuko's father for him to finally fall. But at last, Ozai was dead. Azula was dead. In the same way that Suki was dead. And the same way that her father was dead. Haru, Teo, Jet, all of them. Dead.

Three long years. Katara was now eighteen, but only in body. Her eyes had grown centuries when her body had only seen one thousand and ninety five days.

But it was finally over. Iroh was on the throne of the Fire Nation, and Zuko the crown prince. Aang was a fully realized Avatar. Sokka (a chief now, if it could be believed) and Arnook had forged a peace with Zuko, as well as the Earth King and Aang.

And there was absolutely nothing left for Katara to do. She had played the peacemaker, healed the battle wounds, eased the restless minds, and now?

Well, what good was she when the only thing she was good at was cleaning up messes, and the messes were all cleaned up?

Katara would say that she was bored out of her mind, but that would be a gross understatement. There was also the choking awkwardness of being unburdened when everyone else was so deliciously busy, the aching pain of loss with no one to console her, the aching loneliness with no one to console and make her feel whole again.

In short, she was slowly going insane.

The walls of the sumptuous room Zuko had given her seemed to close in a little more every day. Well, in actuality Katara was fairly certain that Iroh had given her the room, that Iroh had painstakingly picked the blue wall hangings, the blue blankets, the small touches of the South Pole that somehow managed to stifle and comfort Katara at the same time with the implied compassion. But part of her, the part that still allowed itself to love Zuko so painfully and so deeply, dared to hope that it had been him.

Katara had wanted the war to end. Wanted it with every fiber of her being. What she didn't want was her freedom to end. The companionship she shared with her troops. With Aang. With Toph. With Iroh.

…with Zuko.

If you could even _call_ it companionship. It seemed, at least to Katara, that one day after The Kiss (she called it that. It seemed appropriate, seeing as it was the only kiss she'd ever had.) Zuko had just decided that Katara wasn't worth his time anymore.

Exactly ash she had predicted, really. It didn't lessen the hurt much, but at least she had had the foresight to not let it go too far before he lost interest.

She had kept the letters she wrote him. Every last one. And the book he had given her. Its pages were folded at the corners and its margins filled with her scrawled notes and comments. She had read it at least ten, probably more times.

_For those times when gazing at him longingly just wasn't enough, _Katara thought sarcastically.

She glanced at the drawer of her writing desk where the letters were stored, folded up and tied with a bit of twine. Three years was a long time to keep unsent letters, she thought briskly. Best to get rid of them, one way or another. Otherwise they'd just sit there for all eternity, in whatever drawer in whatever writing desk in whatever room she happened to occupy, haunting her thoughts. Sometimes, Katara figured, it was best to purge the reminders of a hopeless cause.

She stood and walked over to the desk, pulling out the offending reminder.

Slowly, for the first time in three long years, she untied the twine and unfolded the letters.

A few hours later, she walked to where she knew Zuko's private chambers were, and wordlessly handed a bundle of papers tied with a bit of twine to the guard there.

"For his Highness," she murmured. The guard nodded briefly.

Katara walked away.

When Zuko untied the bundle, she knew, he would find first a clumsy, hastily written letter, ink blotched by tears. Probably completely illegible, if her luck held. And if not, then her soul, bared on a sheet of paper.

_Zuko,_

_Today I decided that three years is far too long to hold onto feelings for somebody that will never amount to anything, let alone a few silly letters you wrote to them when you were young and stupid. _

_Well, I suppose I'm still young _and_ stupid, but that isn't really the point. _

_The point is that it's long past time that I got over my feelings for you. And I guess I need closure, which three years ago I thought I could get by writing you letters and subsequently not sending them. Seeing as that tactic failed miserably, I thought that I might as well just go for it. _

_So here it is. _

_I wrote these when you first came to us. When you gave me the book, and when you kissed me. And I kissed you. I hope you remember all that, because I haven't been able to forget. Which, once again, is why I'm doing this. I'm sorry, I'm repeating myself and I probably don't make any sense at all whatsoever, but I'm nervous, I guess. _

_Baring your soul can do that to you, though. _

_So I know I acted coldly and indifferently, but hopefully these will help explain that no matter what it _seemed_ like, I always loved you. _(Here, Katara knew, the word "love" would be slightly blotted out by a tearstain.) _I still do, I suppose, but none of that matters now. We'll be going our separate ways soon, me to my home and you to your rightful place on the throne. Even if I didn't know you don't feel the same way, I'd still be giving this to you with no real expectations from you. _

_Like I said. This is about closure. _

_Since I'm telling you everything, I might as well say this: I know we were never really friends. We were too busy hating each other and then liking each other but then moving (it all seems so fast now) to a rather awkward, tense sort of relationship. But I've always envied the others that they were such good friends with you. The easy banter, the laughter. I think I could have made you laugh. _

_And since there's really no point in holding anything back, you might as well know that every time you went off into battle I felt like throwing up with the fear that you may not come back. That you could go out there and fight and die, and you would die not knowing that I loved you. You might as well know that every time you left I had to physically stop myself from running to you and holding you and kissing you, in case I'd never get the opportunity again. You might as well know that every night I managed to sleep I dreamed of you._

_I think I'm just about done totally humiliating myself and telling you everything I promised myself I'd never tell you. _

_I guess I'll understand if after you read this you never want to speak to me again. I know I hurt you back then. I'm trying to make amends, if I can. I'm pretty sure you hate me, or if you don't, you think I'm pretty pathetic. _

_Well, I think it's safe to say you think I'm pathetic now. _

_I'm sorry for the way I acted back then, Zuko. I was confused, I guess, and inexperienced and I handled everything wrong, and I understand why you stopped caring for me. I deserved it. _

_I like to think that I've grown a bit since then. I like to think that I'm less selfish, and a little more in control. I know that probably doesn't fix or help anything. _

_That's all. _

_Yours,_

_Katara._

That turned out a bit longer than I expected...cool.

Um if you want to criticize the letter for grammar and flow and stuff feel free, but know that it was alllllll completely intentional, because what kind of emotionally frazzled teenager writes a coherent, grammatically correct desperate last love letter?

Anyways.

Review, because I wrote this so fast and I love you.


	15. Presumptions be Damned

Hey, thanks for the reviews. Thanks a million, billion, trillion times to Tokka4Eva!

I guess I understand why a lot of you found the last chapter sad, but I hope it made sense to you guys as much as it did to me. It just…seemed like something that Zuko and Katara would do; pushing everything else aside for duty's sake.

Anyways. This isn't the end, at least I don't think it is.

So I realized just now that I'm kind of breaking pattern by giving a letter from Zuko and then having the narration follow Katara's POV, but it just kind of happened, and I was six pages in when I realized, so it's too late now. Don't hate me?

GAWD I was like 7 pages in when I saw Sozin's Comet and may I just saw EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW Kataang makes me want to barf. And so does Maiko.

Disclaimer: same old, same old.

* * *

_Dear Katara,_

_I guess right now that I'm trying to wrap my head around that the fact that for three years you've been as in love with me as I've always been with you. _

_That said, you may wonder why I sat down and wrote this instead of running to you and kissing you like a starving man. _

_Believe me, Katara, I would. I want to. I was about to. The only thing holding me back is that you said you wanted to get over me. And I don't want to be so presumptuous as to think that this changes that. Because the last time I was presumptuous with you, we ended up barely speaking to each other, silently suffering for three years. And if these past three years have been hell, I don't think they even have words to define the torture another three, or even another day, would be. _

_So this is me trying to take this slow. I don't want to screw this up, Katara, you have to understand that. _

_As strange as it sounds, I wrote letters to you too, when we were younger. If you can believe it, pretty much the exact same time you wrote yours to me. There's so much to say about those letters- so much I want to talk about with you. But I want to be able to hear you answer my questions. I want to be able to see your face. _

_So I'm giving you my letters. Read them, please. I have explaining to do too, for _my_ actions. _

_Know that I love you, and I forgive you. When you're ready to talk, (that is, if you want to) you know where to find me. _

_Love forever, _

_Zuko._

Katara could hardly breathe. Her heart was beating so fast that she thought that it was going to jump out of her chest and bounce its way down the hall to Zuko's room.

She set the letter, and the packet that went along with it, on her writing desk. After a moment's thought, she tucked them into the drawer where a very similar packet of letters used to sit. If she hadn't been so short of breath and lightheaded with joy, she might have laughed at the irony of the situation.

But there is a time to laugh at private jokes.

And then there is a time to go to the person who loves you, the person you love, and to hold them, and promise to never let them go.

Katara was fairly certain that this was one of the latter times.

She resisted the (rather strong) urge to check her appearance in her mirror. Part of her wanted to look pretty for Zuko. _Pretty_, she thought derisively, _as if I'm still fifteen years old._

_Eighteen,_ a gentler side of her mind cajoled,_ is not that much older than fifteen. And it is certainly not too old to want to look pretty._ Could she really only be eighteen now? Some days three years seemed like a lifetime. Some days Katara felt eons old. But now, she paused to think. Maybe her youth wasn't beyond her yet. It seemed like, since the war, everyone around her acted like their best days were past them. Like they were all dragging on, waiting for the end to come, a sort of weary, wary peacefulness.

But maybe the best days were still yet to come. Maybe she wasn't _ready_ to let them be past her. Eighteen was not so old. Not so old at all. _Just the perfect age,_ Katara thought happily, _to find true love. To settle down, but not _all _the way down. The perfect age to find a place at the side of someone who loves me._

She looked into the mirror. Briefly, she wondered if she should unbraid her hair, or leave it as it was. What of cosmetics? Should she use face paints?

Katara almost giggled at her own silliness. This was Zuko! Zuko, who knew her face, and would know if she had used paints. Zuko, who had _always_ thought face paints were stupid. Zuko, who had seen her at her best, but also at her worst, and he didn't care.

Or rather, he _did_ care, and _that_ was the important part.

She re-braided her hair anyway, just to satisfy her own vanity.

She smiled as she contemplated her reflection.

As she stepped out into the hall, she turned towards Zuko's door, far at the end of the wing. There was no question of just whose door it was; there was a constant rotation of two silent guards in front of it.

She took a step, and nearly winced at the barely perceptible sound her bare foot made on the floor. What was she doing? It was the middle of the night! She couldn't just barge in on him like this! What would his guards say? There would be gossip. She would be ruined! What if he didn't want to see her? What if he thought her a fool for bursting in on him while he was half asleep? This was ridiculous. She couldn't do this. She-

She took a step backward. Her back hit the smooth wood of her door. She pressed her hands against it, feeling the cool grain.

How was it in a country so hot, it could get so _cold _at night? And there were no furs lying around, not like home. Only thin, pitiful sheets and blankets; nothing for when the temperature dropped anything below the usual sweltering.

Katara found herself idly wondering if it would matter what blankets she had if she had Zuko with her at night. He was always so warm-

She shook her head. She reminded herself that she was _not_ doing this, she was not going to be so presumptuous as to-

What had he said about being presumptuous? That _he_ hadn't wanted to be too presumptuous? La and Tui, it seemed that word would be the death of her. Of _them._

It almost had been.

Damn presumptions. Damn propriety and the fact that it was the middle of the night. Katara was going, and she was going _right then._ No more waiting. No more torturing herself. She might have still been young, but even a young heart can only break so many times before there is nothing left.

All that bolstering of her courage and damning of propriety and presumptions went out the window, however, when Katara found herself face to, well, face to scary mask with Zuko's guards.

"Um," she said.

She couldn't tell if they were looking at her, but some innate part of her told her that they weren't. That part of her told her that they were staring studiously _not_ at her.

Katara wasn't sure if trying to talk to them was even worth trying, but she _was_ sure that simply trying to pass by them wouldn't work out in her favor. The past three years had resulted in some pretty handy diplomacy skills, but Katara didn't think that there was a specific etiquette for trying to sneak past your true love's scary guards to get into his room in the middle of the night for what, as far as said scary guards knew, could be a tryst, but could just as easily be an assassination.

_Was_ it a tryst? _There _was a question worth pondering. What, exactly, did she think was going to happen when she went in there? What would Zuko think, what would he expect, opening his door to see her there in the middle of the night? What if the guards told people? What would her father say?

She glanced sharply at one of the guards, as if to assess him. He was still looking away. Katara rolled her eyes in self-deprecation. As if she could assess him through his face mask anyway.

They probably thought she was crazy, first standing at her end of the hall doing nothing, then standing in front of them doing nothing. Katara sighed.

"I honestly doubt you'll respond, but I'm going in there, just so you know," she informed the one to the left of the door. He didn't say anything. Didn't glance down. Just gave a sharp nod.

Katara decided to make the inference that the nod signified that the guards _wouldn't_ fry her when she opened the door. So she did.

It looked, she decided, like she expected Zuko's room to look. Nice, but not ostentatious. Marble floors, no rugs (her room had about a million of them, mostly furs from home), no frills, really. Bare walls, a writing desk, a door that she assumed went to a washroom. A comfy chair in front of a (you guessed it) _fire_place.

And there was a bed. A bed from which Zuko was currently watching her with tired eyes.

…A _shirtless_ Zuko.

They had traveled together long enough for her to have seen him bare-chested plenty of times. It wasn't as if it was any big thing. So Katara wondered why her breath caught in her throat and suddenly, she couldn't move. Couldn't even think. She just stared at him. His hair was ruffled, she noted absently in the small, sane part of her head.

"Ka…Katara?" he said, confused.

She almost died on the spot. Embarrassment? Lust? _Love_? Hard to say. All she knew was that hearing her name from his lips made her weak in the knees.

"Um," she said for the second time that night. _Smooth,_ her brain mocked.

"Are you…is everything alright?" Zuko asked, sitting up and blinking a few times. Katara hadn't moved.

"Yes," she managed to squeak, barely recognizing her own voice. "Everything's fine."

"Then…why…?" his voice trailed off. "Whattime is it?"

"I actually have no idea," Katara replied with a more normal tone. "I haven't slept. It feels like tonight has gone on forever. It's still dark out," she offered unhelpfully. "I, um," _am blithering like an idiot_? Her brain supplied for her. She wrung her hands helplessly and looked at the floor. "I got your letter," she finished lamely.

"My letter?" Zuko asked dumbly. Some part of Katara was relieved that she wasn't the _only_ one whose brain appeared to have taken a leave of absence. She didn't say anything, just waited for him to catch up.

Suddenly, without warning, he threw his sheets off and scrambled off the bed. Katara barely had time to process before he was standing in front of her, his impossibly warm hand resting gently on her cheek, turning her face up, and his beautiful, golden eyes boring into hers.

"What," he breathed after a long moment, stroking her face gently with his thumb, "took you so long?"

She felt like she could melt. Die slowly from the sheer _joy_ she felt running through her veins, the warmth from his hand; the friction from his thumb. She opened her mouth to reply, not even sure what she'd say.

But by that point, Zuko had leaned in, and her mouth found itself occupied. Katara had always thought that three years had done nothing to dull the memory of their first, rather ill-fated kiss.

She thought wrong.

This was amazing. Like every memory she had replayed in her head multiplied by a thousand times the intensity of the sun. _Or Zuko's eyes,_ she thought indistinctly. His lips were softer than she remembered. His hands on her cheeks-now ribcage-now waist- were warmer. The taste of him- infinitely more intoxicating.

Somehow her arms ended up around his neck. Somehow he maneuvered them until Katara felt her knees hit his bed. Somehow Katara knew (call it extrasensory perception) exactly how this was going to end. So somehow, in spite of her body's resistance, she pulled back.

"Your guards," she rasped. (Since when did she sound so breathless?) (Maybe since Zuko's hands began tracing patterns on her waist. Maybe since she could feel his breath on her face…) "Are they…discreet?" She realized that she had panted the words. Panted. If she'd had the presence of mind, she probably would have been embarrassed. As it was, though, she didn't, so she wasn't.

"I don't know," Zuko panted in return. "I've never…given them reason to be…discreet." Katara took comfort in the fact that he seemed just as out of sorts as she. Then his words sank him. Her eyes, which had been contemplating his lips, snapped to his.

He blushed.

Katara could have sung out loud. She had made him blush! Zuko, the Fire Lord, known to make people shake at the very sight of him, easily as intimidating as his father, battle-toughened, scarred, mean, scary Zuko. Blushing. Because he had just said something indescribably _sweet_ to her.

There was really only one course of action to take at that point. She kissed him. It was short, and he had barely responded before she pulled away again, smiling.

"What was that for?" he asked. She was grinning now.

"You're such an idiot," she said affectionately, tracing her index finger over his lower lip. She marveled for a moment at the absence of her prior awkwardness. It all just felt so overpoweringly…_right._ "I can't even imagine how many times women have come to your door in the middle of the night, just like I did," she laughed.

"Neither can I," Zuko admitted, his breath warm on her finger. "After the first time, I told the guards not to disturb me for any of them, and not to let anyone in…except you."

Then he blushed _again._ Twice, in one night. In one _conversation._ Katara's head was spinning. He was adorable. He was perfect.

But most importantly, he was _hers._

She chuckled, trying to lighten the moment. It was probably a bit early to start declaring her love for him. As much as she wanted to. "I _thought_ it was weird when they just let me in. A bit presumptuous, though, weren't you? _Assuming_ I'd come to you?" she teased, pressing herself closer to him. Loving the heat from his bare chest. He cracked a small smile.

"A guy can dream," he stated simply. Katara's heart broke a little bit. What kind of cruel person was she, to have done this to him for three years? She pulled his lips down to hers, trying to show him everything she wasn't yet ready to say aloud.

The world, her worries, his duties, all the obstacles, everything else, it all could wait.

They had waited long enough for tonight. Tonight was theirs.

* * *

…Ta da! Sorry it took so effing long. I suck. A lot. But that series finale kind of killed my muse. But I was going through my old stuff and Dare You to Move kick started my creative process.

We're not done just yet, though! I'm going to start chapter 16 as soon as I upload this. Feel free to bug me incessantly to finish it sooner than I finished this one!

I love love love you all!

3 D-P


	16. Epilogue

Hello again, darlings! You should know that I started typing this the instant chapter 15 was up, just like I promised. I don't know when I'll finish, but hopefully it'll be soon.

Okay, now that months and months and months have passed, I've decided to wrap this sucker up. This is the end, my wonderful readers, and as such, there is no letter. (just a warning for any of you out there who still care about formatting.) Thanks for sticking with me for two ridiculous years.

This chapter is slightly more...risqué, let's say, than the previous ones, but we're all mature people here, right? Riiiiight? Oh, who are we kidding? Try not to giggle too much or get offended.

* * *

Zuko awoke with the feeling of someone in his arms. He had never done that before. Sure, there had been...other women, since Katara. To put it delicately. Well, _one_ other woman, to be more precise. When he was younger. Too young. And stupid. A stupid kid who thought that the best way to celebrate a war's end was with a woman he barely knew, and who had left him before the sweat on his forehead had dried.

This, though…this was different. He felt incandescent. Like the woman in his arms had taken some of that inner light that burned so brightly within her and passed it into him. Like she had taken the broken, scarred man that he was and made him something better.

He liked that feeling. He could get used to it.

Katara stirred in his embrace. She was wearing one of his plainer tunics. She had awoken after only an hour of sleep, complaining of cold. Zuko chuckled softly at the memory. She got cold so easily, for someone from the South Pole. But he supposed living in that climate only made her appreciate warmth that much more.

She opened her eyes and blinked adorably.

"What's funny?" she asked in a tiny, tired voice. Zuko couldn't help but smile and press a soft kiss to her lips.

"You are," he replied.

"You know what's funnier?" Katara teased, yawning. "Your snoring. Except it isn't. Because it nearly singed my hair off." Zuko snorted.

"I don't snore," he scoffed.

"Sure you don't," Katara said. "And I'm madly in love with Aang." At this, Zuko laughed.

"Don't be ridiculous," he chided her. "Remind me…whose bed are you in right now?"

"Hmm," Katara mused. "You know what? I can't quite recall. Give me a hint," she said, grinning.

"Well," Zuko said, tapping his mouth in thoughtfulness. "He's really good looking." Katara laughed, and it was a glorious sound. "And he's very smart," Zuko continued. "Not to mention those abs. Don't even get me started."

Katara grinned and poked at Zuko's stomach.

"Abs, huh?" she asked. "Not sure I've ever met anyone like that. Really good looking? It's not ringing a bell."

"Well, that's a shame," Zuko remarked casually. "Because if you don't know who the guy is, he certainly isn't going to bring you breakfast." Katara stomach growled rather inopportunely.

"Hmm," she said. "Excellent point."

"I know," Zuko countered, looking smug.

"I guess I remember the guy somewhat. About yea high," she gestured over her head, "moody, shaggy hair? Snores?" she goaded him, grinning. He couldn't help but grin back. There was a moment of silence where they just laid there, looking at each other. Not talking, but not in awkward silence. Just…comfortable. Zuko had never felt more…_right._

"Marry me," he blurted, the words escaping him before he had time to think. Katara's eyes widened.

"What?" she asked in shock. Realizing what he had said, Zuko knew that it was exactly what he wanted to say. He wanted Katara in his life forever. He wanted her at his side, his wife, his Fire Lady, his family. His everything. So he repeated himself.

"Marry me," he said insistently, still smiling. Katara shook her head.

"Zuko, I can't marry you," she said, her face incredulous. Zuko, for some reason, was unperturbed.

"Why not?" he asked her, knowing that her reasons why she shouldn't marry him could never outweigh his reasons why she should.

"Your people," she started to say.

"Need to get used to change," he cut her off. She shook her head at him, propping herself up on one elbow, looking down at him where he lay.

"Your advisors," she began.

"Don't own me," he finished for her. He reached up and toyed with her hair. She sighed in frustration.

"But your uncle," she tried to tell him, swatting his hand away.

"Loves you. Probably more than he does me," Zuko told her, taking her face in his hands. "Katara, stop doing this to yourself."

"I can't!" she exclaimed. "I can't marry you! I'm not good enough for you!" she said, finally voicing the fears that had been lurking in the back of her mind for three years. At this, Zuko's persistent smile faded. He looked furious. He _was_ furious.

"Don't say that," he said to her, getting out of bed and stalking around his room in a pair of black pants. Katara couldn't help but admire his muscular back even as she feared his anger. With a jolt, she realized that he was still speaking to her.

"Don't _ever_ say that," he repeated emphatically, nearly yelling, turning to her. "You are…you are beautiful, and kind, and caring, and strong, and everything that a good person should be and more, and you deserve _every_ happiness that this world can give you. So don't you _ever_ say that you aren't good enough, not for anything," he said, quieting. "Because you are," he finished. He sat on the edge of his bed, looking deeply into Katara's eyes, hoping she saw in them how much he loved her and needed her.

For a long time, she didn't say anything, and he couldn't read the look on her face. Finally, she spoke.

"Okay," Katara said, and Zuko breathed in with a whoosh, just now realizing he had been holding his breath to begin with.

"Okay?" he asked, to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"Okay," she replied. "I'll marry you." Katara smiled for the first time since he had brought the subject up. Zuko felt his heart soar. He had thought he was happy before, when he had awoken to find that it, that Katara, was not a dream. That happiness was nothing compared to what he felt now. Not knowing what else to do, Zuko threw himself onto the bed and kissed Katara deeply.

"I love you," he mumbled against her lips.

It had been worth the wait.

* * *

…the end!


End file.
